Practice, Practice, Practice
When I was in kindergarten, I took dance class, with emphasis on ballet and tap. At least once a week, I attended these classes, held in Mrs. Taylor’s basement. My strongest memories were the gigantic black bow pinning the back of her bun hairstyle and the 45 records we were given to practice our routines. I especially remember “Alley Cat” and “Practice, Practice, Practice.” I spent hours in my tap shoes, striving for improvement on a square piece of plywood. After a while, I grew to dislike that song immensely. “Practice,” after all, was tedious, boring and frustrating.
Little did I know, however, so often, would life be as well.
According to the famous myth, the character of Sisyphus was condemned to an eternity of hard labor. For a crime against the gods, his assignment was to roll a great boulder to the top of a hill. Each time he completed this task, requiring tremendous effort, reaching the summit, the boulder rolled back downhill again.
Tedious, boring and frustrating...
I recently came across this famous Margaret Thatcher quote:
“You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.”
Also known as “Practice, Practice, Practice,” perhaps?
Yeah, but it doesn’t always come with snazzy tap shoes, does it?
Yet, in both life and recovery matters, practice is that principle which is all over the place.
“I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favor to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.”
Ecclesiastes 9:11
And sometimes, that means failure- more great news.
“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”
Romans 3:23
Still, God doesn’t abandon us, even if/when our feelings tell us otherwise.
“Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it, whenever you turn to the right hand, and whenever turn to the left.’”
Isaiah 30:21
“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go: I will guide you with My eye.”
Psalm 32:8
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”
Proverbs 3:5-6
“But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.”
2 Corinthians 3:18
“Practice, Practice, Practice.” No one gets there automatically and perfectly. It’s a process. And God will work, in all of it, often in spite of our missed dance steps...
“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”
2 Corinthians 12:9
What’s the common denominator behind every individual life and recovery issue? God.
“...‘Be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God's.’”
2 Chronicles 20:15
Just like Mrs. Thatcher said.
Copyright © 2024 by Sheryle Cruse
Verbal Abuse (Break the Plate)
“The tongue has the power of life and death and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
Proverbs 18: 21
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.”
Proverbs 18:21
When I say the word, “abuse,” what first springs to your mind?
Broken bones? Bruises?
Unfortunately, there are many different kinds of abuse out there. The most obvious is physical abuse. But there’s also sexual abuse, spiritual abuse, emotional and verbal abuse. And, when it comes to emotional and verbal abuse, the impact is not so easily seen. Yet, the damage is devastating.
Hence, the broken plate point here…
Brilliant and on point.
So, below, I’ve attached an article by Beth J. Lueders about emotional and verbal abuse.
Emotional and Verbal Abuse
by Beth J. Lueders
Denying someone access to other relationships. Taunting on the playground. Yelling degrading remarks. Downplaying accomplishments. Threatening to take the children away.
From bullying and manipulative mind games to sexual harassment and elder care neglect, emotional and verbal abuse is rampant in our society. No one is immune from encountering abusive people, but everyone can make healthy choices to end destructive relationship patterns.
Emotional abuse
Emotional abuse is difficult to define and many cases are never reported; nevertheless, it's clear that this form of destructive behavior is based on power and control. An emotionally abusive person may dismiss your feelings and needs, expect you to perform humiliating or unpleasant tasks, manipulate you into feeling guilty for trivial things, belittle your outside support system or blame you for unfortunate circumstances in his or her life. Jealousy, possessiveness and mistrust characterize an emotionally abusive person. Widely recognized signs of emotional abuse include:
Rejecting or denying a person's value or presence and communicating devaluing thoughts and feelings to another person.
Degrading, ridiculing, insulting or name-calling to lessen the self-worth and dignity of another person. Examples include humiliating someone in public or responding to a senior as if he or she is not capable of making decisions.
Terrorizing by inducing intense fear in someone; intimidating and coercing; or threatening physical harm to a person or a person's loved ones, pets or possessions. Stalking, threatening to leave and forcing someone to watch violence toward a family member are all types of terrorizing.
Isolating, physically confining or limiting another's freedoms. These restricting behaviors include denying a person contact with others and controlling someone else's financial affairs.
Exploiting someone's personal rights and social needs or using another person for profit or advantage. Enticing someone into illegal activities for financial gain (drug selling, prostitution) is an example of exploitation.
Detaching and denying emotional care or affection. Shunning a person's efforts to interact or neglecting someone's mental health needs are forms of this type of psychological abuse.1Although emotional abuse can occur on its own, all types of abuse involve some form of emotional abuse. Similar to other forms of relationship violence, emotional abuse happens most often to individuals with the least power and resources. Over time emotional abuse brainwashes the victim. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, it is clear that for many, emotional abuse is even more devastating than physical abuse.
Emotional abuse tears at a person's self-esteem and can greatly impair psychological development and social interaction. In children, emotional abuse can hinder attention, intelligence, memory and the ability to feel and express emotions appropriately. For both children and adults, emotional abuse can manifest itself in social withdrawal, severe anxiety, fearfulness, depression, physical complaints, avoidance of eye contact, self-blame and substance abuse. Emotionally abused seniors may feel extreme guilt, inadequacy, depression or powerlessness. Unfortunately, many psychologically abused elderly people are labeled "senile" or "inept."
Because emotional abuse is not as regularly reported as other forms of violence, statistics are sparse. A Canadian study on abuse in university and college dating relationships revealed that 81 percent of male respondents admitted they had psychologically abused a female partner.2 According to a 2000 report by the National Institute of Justice, an estimated 503,485 women are stalked each year in the United States. Emotional abuse is a worldwide problem for people of any age and any sex.3
Verbal abuse
The well-worn chant, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me" is just not true. As Dr. Grace Kettering writes in her book Verbal Abuse, "Cruel names and labels can hurt us — dreadfully! Many times the emotional damage is unintentional. Crippling comments may seem so trivial to the speaker as to be soon forgotten. But at a crucial moment or from an important person, certain words spoken to a vulnerable, receptive individual can make or break a life."
Verbal abuse takes on many forms including criticizing, insulting, degrading, harsh scolding, name-calling, nagging, threatening, ridiculing, belittling, trivializing, screaming, ranting, racial slurring and using crude or foul language. Disparaging comments disguised as jokes and withholding communication are also examples of verbal abuse.
Hurling hurtful words at another may sound like: "You're a nag just like your parents!" "You don't know how to do anything right." "It's your fault!" "You're too sensitive." "Come on, can't you take a joke?" "That outfit makes you look fat." "You're worthless in bed." "Who asked you?" "You don't need that second helping." "All you do anymore is go to church stuff." "Your ex sure screwed you up emotionally." Verbal abuse can happen anywhere, at any time. Individuals who are teased and pressured at work or school may in turn take out their pent-up frustrations at home. "Kicking the dog" is not enough; instead, they verbally attack their spouse, children, parents, close friends — no loved one is safe.
Wounds that typically accompany emotional, physical and sexual abuse must not be ignored. Both men and women inflict verbal abuse, but women tend to be more often on the receiving end of this destructive behavior. What may seem innocent and infrequent at first can escalate. Verbal abuse frequently plays a major role in violent crimes. According to a 1998 U.S. Justice Department report on violent crimes, women are five to eight times more likely than men to be victimized by an intimate partner.4
All forms of abuse follow a pattern that, left unchecked, will only increase over time. Injuries from verbal and emotional abuse can run deep and leave lasting scars. Many emotionally and verbally abused people reason that, because there are no bruises or broken bones, their abuse must not be serious. But it is. Fortunately, support and resources are readily available to guide individuals into safe, loving relationships. In their well-received book Boundaries, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend state that, "Our pain motivates us to act." If pain motivates you to act against emotional and verbal abuse, then listen and act. You may be saving more than your life.
1 The National Domestic Violence Hotline, http://www.ndvh.org/
2 Ibid.
3 Ibid.
4 Ibid.
Copyright © 2002 Beth J. Lueders. Used by permission.
See yourself here? There is help and hope. God never wants you abused in any way! He loves you and has blessings for you instead:
“The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.”
Jeremiah 31:3
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11
God wants to restore your broken plate!
Copyright © 2024 by Sheryle Cruse
Listen. It’s more powerful than we realize.
How do we truly know someone?
And how do we know if they’re good for us?
We have heard the expression, “Talk is cheap. Actions speak louder than words.”
We are familiar with the concept that words and deeds are distinctly different. And part of that is true.
But what unites both words and deeds is the issue of behavior. Behavior is the common denominator of both.
So, with behavior in mind, and more specifically, personal character in mind, the behavior is what we listen to, far beyond words. How do the words behave?
An online sentiment captures this beautifully…
“If you listen carefully enough, someone will tell you exactly the kind of person they are. Sit back and listen.”
There is a lot of our behavior, a lot of the “reasons” why we deal with someone in a certain way. It’s even more dramatic if we are “putting up” with an unhealthy and dysfunctional persons’ behaviors. There’s a lot of us to be found within this online statement.
Let’s study this a bit more.
“If…”
First, there is the matter of “if.”
Do we even start the listening process? Is it optional? Do we know we have the capacity and the power to listen?
Or do we entertain other noise and excuses?
We’ve been in situations where we have checked out of the conversation. The person is droning on and on; the conversation is boring. We’re distracted.
No matter what’s happening, we are not tuned into what is being said, and what kind of behavior is being displayed.
We can miss some major things, some red flags, simply because we decided, in one way or another, that we can afford the option of not listening, of opting out.
That decision, however, can cost us dearly.
“Listen…”
Not know. Not even hear.
Listen.
We need to know what effective listening is… and what it is not. We can hear noise. We can assume we know what someone is saying to us.
But do we really?
“Listening” involves paying attention to nonverbal cues, subtle, under the radar passive-aggressive comments, and hypocritical word and deed moments.
What are we experiencing, taking in the entire communication from a person?
“Someone…”
Not us. Them.
Welcome to the wonderful world of projection.
When we are involved in the communication of a relationship with another person, we need to remember that some of this listening depends on projection. Another person can project their toxic beliefs, views, and behaviors onto us.
But it’s not simply a one-way street.
We, likewise, can project our issues onto another person as well.
What is being messaged to us, not only by another person, but also by ourselves? What is their issue, versus our issue? What is our trait, versus their trait?
It requires differentiation, fully knowing what belongs to us, and what belongs to them.
And part of that differentiation involves understanding and translating thoughts and beliefs. We need to separate them, deciding what is us, and what comes from another source.
“Telling…”
Whenever we hear something, we must ask ourselves, “Did they say that?”
It’s more complicated than this seemingly simple question.
The concept of “telling” is not just speaking and receiving messages. Telling involves insight. It is uncovering the clues, the hidden messages, and the true nature of someone’s motives. We hear about “tells” within the context of playing a game of poker. Life has its abundant share of tells also. If we can recognize them and translate them for what they are.
“Tells” can also reside in the silence, in what is not being said. The true message can lie in what is withheld, in the absence of certain words and sentiments.
And that true message can signal the true person we are encountering.
“What kind?”
What kind of person is this?
As we take in the information, the messages, the different tactics another person using in communication, we can assess what kind of individual exists.
And then we must decide if we want them… or if we don’t.
Who do we want in our lives?
It’s a valid question, never to be underestimated.
Are they who they say they are? Are they the exact opposite?
Did they lie?
What would be in it for them if they did?
Sit back and listen.
Decide. Concentrate. Pay attention.
Only we can decide for ourselves who and what is important to us. Dealbreakers.
This doesn’t happen accidentally or automatically. It happens with focus, intention, and attention. We need to concentrate.
“Sitting back and listening” is active, not passive.
It may be the most active thing we ever do in our lives.
Copyright © 2024 by Sheryle Cruse
Listen. It’s more powerful than we realize. | elephant journal
Pause as you gnaw.
Everything can feel fast-paced, pressuring, and instantaneously achieved.
Self-reflection can be lumped into that pile.
While surfing social media, I came across an adorable video of a beaver gnawing at a tree. In this display of nature, I saw this little guy whittling at the bark, like we whittle at an apple, the critter occasionally stopped, looked around, and then resumed the activity. It was taking its time. There was no rushing. No deadline.
The nature video mentioned how this activity is normal. In fact, beavers frequently pause during their tree-gnawing, not because they are taking time to smell the roses or be philosophical, but because they are practically assessing, trying to ascertain which direction the tree they are working on will fall.
It’s a safety, self-preservation thing.
Hey, don’t get pinned by a tree!
We can learn a thing or two from these fuzzy, long-toothed creatures. Self-reflection, and taking time to pause, can be a part of that lesson.
First, choose your tree.
The beaver doesn’t tackle the entire forest or clearing at once.
One tree at a time.
What issue do we want to tackle first, here and now? We can’t deal with everything, even if multiple things are occurring. But we can zoom in on one thing. What is that?
The concept of multi-tasking is a fallacy. We may believe ourselves to be more productive by dealing with multiple things at once, but research on the brain, in fact, states otherwise. We’re just more scattered and distracted, doing multiple things less well.
There is power in focus. And, when we’re gnawing on every tree, there is an absence of focus. From a tree context, distraction can be deadly. We are not pausing adequately.
Therefore, timber! Each multi-tasking tree falls on us.
One thing. One tree.
Take your first bite.
Commit to it. Intention. Behavior.
We can get paralyzed, as we are intimidated about the start of a “project.” We want it accomplished perfectly, so we don’t start gnawing away at it.
We need to identify… and then start.
Start with a ridiculous start. Start with a pathetic start. But start.
Each beaver in the wild needs to take that first gnawing bite of their selected tree. No beaver just accidentally starts chewing on a tree. They decide.
“I’m going to whittle this down to a toothpick; I have goals.”
I don’t know how many of these critters are apprehensive, intimidated by a tree, and filled with self-doubt. They are animals, wild animals, operating on instinct.
But they somehow know they need to act. Dams need to be built; teeth need to be maintained. Whatever.
Bite, then. Take deliberate action.
Do it afraid, if need be.
Whittle steadily.
Little Bob, the beaver, goes about his business in nature. Working on a tree, there is no rush. This little guy knows he needs to work steadily.
This is the cliché stuff we need to embrace. Keep at it. Keep going. Finish what you start.
And we need patience.
This is not an instantaneous situation. It’s a process. Laborious. Tedious. Sometimes, boring. But keep gnawing.
Eventually, the tree will fall.
Look, Listen, and Pause.
And while we are about the tree-gnawing process, it’s important to do these three things.
Look, Listen, and Pause.
Our little beaver guy accesses things, intermittently looking around, especially concerning which direction the tree is going to fall, while listening to the sounds around him.
And these actions require that he pauses.
We need to use our senses, in life and within our own self-reflection paces.
Things to ask ourselves…
What am I seeing here?
What are people and the cues around me trying to tell me?
Who or what is rushing me?
We don’t just go through life, work, relationships, and goals, on automatic pilot.
What is driving or influencing us? Is it a positive or a negative force?
Beaver Dude knows, instinctively, to pay attention to his incoming sensory messages, and to the environment that surrounds him. All are critical to not getting squashed by a tree, unaware.
Beaver Dude is aware and will not be rushed as he goes about his routine.
Make room, as the tree falls.
“For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it.”
2 Timothy 3:1-5
Still more questions need to be asked, even as we’re aware of our surroundings and any pertinent trees.
What will this mean?
What is personal about this action?
What is healing/helpful about this action?
What is damaging about this action?
“Count the cost.”
Thoughtful gnawing is key. Self-reflection often considers future consequences. As we choose the tree, make our first moves, commit, and assess the status of our lives, “counting the cost” recognizes that our choices will affect some form of change and response.
We can’t control everything and every outcome, we can but go in, with eyes open to the fact that, yes, trees are going to fall. It’s reality.
Consequences.
Also known as “fallout.”
Pause and consider.
We are encouraged to pause throughout whatever we’re doing in life. We ‘re encouraged to be thoughtful and deliberate. Intentional.
And, of course, we are encouraged to make healthy, wise decisions.
To do that, we need to be familiar with the practice of pausing.
Whatever it is you are doing, just stop for a bit.
Stop the gnawing. Assess yourself.
What do you find?
Reflect… and then, if need be, resume working on your tree.
Copyright © 2024 by Sheryle Cruse
Make it weird.
“There’s a stranger out there who remembers you because you made it weird.”
Weird often is associated with being off, being awkward, nerdy, and abnormal. Out of all the compliments you could pay a person, “weird,” typically, does not spin to the top of the list.
But what if we change our view of “weird?”
Weird can equal good. How?
You made it weird (good) because you amused them.
The healing power of laughter.
It’s not uncommon for cancer patients to watch comedies as part of the healing regimen. I did in my experience of the dreadful disease. Laughter supports the immune system, aids in depression, and overall, wellbeing.
“A merry heart does good, like medicine...”
Proverbs. 17:22
Yep.
And, with the Navajo community, it’s widely regarded that a baby’s first laugh is sacred. The person who brings about that first laugh, therefore, has the honor of preparing a whole feast and celebration for the child. A baby’s first laugh appears to be synonymous with joining the family, the Navajo community, at large.
It’s a big deal.
Laughter is huge.
And there is also a connection between laughter and learning. It’s easier to learn, seemingly, anything, via laughter. The humor, the amusement appears to make the new information of a lesson “stick.” People can be more likely to retain new information if it’s associated with something humorous.
We relax when we laugh. Pain lessens. We drop our guard.
We have the natural, knee-jerk response of laughter, because of the unexpected. We think something will go one way, and then it veers off into another direction. It can be “inappropriate,” contrary, defiant, risqué, or ridiculous.
It just does not fit with our expectations.
And so, laughter.
Joy. Levity. Medicinal laughter.
So, if, by our “weirdness,” we help to not just amuse someone, but heal and teach them as well, how significant is that?
You made it weird (good) because you educated them.
Yes, we can use “weirdness” as a teaching opportunity.
“Weird” can be intriguing; it can pique curiosity.
And human beings are curious creatures.
New, incoming information.
For instance, did you know that a cat’s eyes dilate when they hiccup?
Yeah. New information there.
However, many of us have negative associations with new information.
How many of us hated certain subjects in school because they were “boring?”
(I’m still recovering from Algebra).
But what if popular culture, sci-fi, and strange trivia were integrated into the lessons taught in those classrooms?
Taylor Swift, Beyonce, TikTok, and Netflix could all be referenced, just to help the kids learn lessons better and quicker. We retain what we deem to be important, interesting, and helpful. It’s part of the reason, back as my teenaged self, I learned that a slip-on pencil eraser, in a pinch, could secure my earring when I lost its backing. That lesson saved many accessories. (It still didn’t help with Algebra, but a teenage girl and her accessories were not to be messed with).
Beyond the classrooms, we are lifelong learners… if we choose to be.
Something strange, something gross, even, can work to teach and cement new information about anything and everything.
I encountered this firsthand. My cancer diagnosis and treatment of it had my body experiencing weird, a-typical reactions, including a strange dark dot showing up on my chin during my course of radiation. I shared my fears about turning into Mike Tysons face tattoo with my radiation nurse. She assured me it can be a response to stress, and that, “in time, it will fade.”
And it did. No unwanted face tattoos for me ever since then.
My cancer experiences, involving surgery, radiation, and recovery have given me plenty of “new normal” body changes.
By sharing information with others who have gone through like situations such as mine, comparing notes, we can quickly learn, and benefit from, how the “weird” is not the worst-case scenario. It’s more often the strange form of a new normal. And that helps to lessen our fears and anxiety levels, as well as arming us with newer tools, effective in dealing with the changes we’re going through.
Part of doing that may include us embarking on the TMI, the oversharing of weird and uncomfortable stuff.
Indeed, if you and I look, sound, act, and present ourselves as “weird,” what impact can we make? It has far-reaching results.
It sticks in our minds. It changes our viewpoint.
It’s not to be underestimated.
You made it weird (good) because you challenged them.
Anti- status quo.
Change often comes after a challenge arrives. A challenge to a belief system, a way of doing things, a way of showing up in life.
Challenge does that. And “weird” is often the vehicle.
For instance, “weird” can show up as the utilization of the word, “no.”
“No” is challenging. It can feel awkward and antisocial. It can throw people off, because perhaps, they are not expecting that from us. Maybe they are not familiar with our “no.” So, now, when it comes flying out of our mouths, they can only perceive it as “weird.”
“No” is a complete sentence. It’s valid. It’s not asking to be challenged or talked out of.
And the very fact that some people may only see it as “weird” may, indeed, be a teachable moment.
Now, it’s not on us to be everyone else’s teacher, especially if they are dysfunctional. However, someone learning a lesson may be a byproduct of “weird.” It’s not our responsibility to make someone learn anything.
But if they do…
We left an impression with the challenge opportunity.
There is such value in that.
“Weird” is what we make it.
Tap into it. Tap into our unique, “inner-weird.”
And then let it manifest itself.
It is often the unusual that is remembered, that stands out.
“There’s a stranger out there who remembers you and I because we made it weird.”
Perhaps, the most important “someone” who remembers our weirdness is us.
Were we true to ourselves?
Cliché, but universal. Timeless. Empowering. Healing.
“Weird” does that. Let’s live weird, then.
Copyright © 2024 by Sheryle Cruse
Notice.
We see. We look.
Something is visible.
This sentiment showed up on the internet…
“I don’t react, but trust me, I notice everything.”
That statement isn’t easy. It’s not simple.
Yet, how necessary it is to live this out, especially as we deal with toxic people and situations.
Therefore, not far from this internet sentiment is also another often-quoted concept…
“Observe. Don’t absorb.”
Again, not easy. Not simple. Worth pursuing as a life approach. And, as human beings, we struggle to master it.
Notice.
What do we notice? Do we believe what we see? Or do we try to talk ourselves out of it?
Do we try to make it be something it’s not?
Seeing is believing, right?
The word, “Notice” is akin to the phrase, “Observe. Don’t absorb.”
It has a calm tone to it. It’s objective. There doesn’t appear to be anything panicky about it.
Likewise, the phrase, “Observe. Don’t absorb” also has a calm objectivity to it.
It’s about information gathering. It is recording the facts. It is noting what is being displayed in the form of behaviors, words, what is absent, and what is filled with discrepancies.
Reacting destabilizes.
Someone yells at us. Someone calls us an unflattering name. Someone gives a the “silent treatment.” Someone laughs at us. Someone betrays us.
We would probably struggle to be neutral to these scenarios. These situations are highly stressful. At the very least, they’re inconvenient or annoying. It is challenging to just take it all in, without getting our emotions involved. We are primed for fight or flight, especially when a situation escalates.
To remain calm? Easier said than done.
Most of the time, we probably take it to heart.
When we go from objectively observing to negatively personalizing something, we are more vulnerable to internalizing a damaged sense of self. We can also take responsibility for things that are not our fault because of our faulty personalization.
Observe. Don’t absorb.
Emotions are not heightened. “Just the facts, Ma’am.”
It can become tricky, however, as we endeavor to not take things personally. This is the challenge of observing, but not letting it get in.
Yes, we see it. Yes, we hear it. Yes, we know the egregious behavior is going on.
We are not in denial of its existence. We aren’t sweeping its reality under the rug. We aren’t covering up its behavior. We aren’t asserting it’s even right for happening.
We aren’t making excuses. We aren’t lying. We are telling the truth… to ourselves.
What is happening, via someone else, is OUTSIDE of us.
There is differentiation going on: us versus them.
Separate. There is separation.
Their conduct is not our conduct. We are not created to suffer the consequences, and take the fall, for their behavior and for their choices.
Notice what you’re noticing.
Many of us are not used to simply noting what’s going on, without getting emotionally involved and upset by it.
But to be healthier, that is a must.
We must resist the faulty, incorrect reaction of reverting to highly charged negative emotions. And then, concluding that we deserve dysfunctional treatment.
Why are we emotional?
What is the thought behind any intense, harsh, draining, self-blaming, and abusive agendas? Whose thought is that, originally?
Who is telling us that thought?
What do we notice?
Ulterior motives? Addictions? The desire to abuse, mistreat, and neglect?
Projection?
Refusal on someone else’s part to deal with their issues?
What payoff do we notice? What reason? What excuse?
Notice. Observe. Know what is driving behavior.
You and I can do that research, from a more clinical, more objective place.
Do we take that opportunity?
It’s beyond what we think we see and believe. We must notice.
It is worth seeing the situation for what it is.
Copyright © 2024 by Sheryle Cruse
