Where Would Mom Be Without Her Perfect Nose?
In a scene from the series, “Mad Men” Betty and Sally, its mother and daughter characters, are fighting over the broken state of daughter’s “once perfect” nose.
It addresses the importance appearance and perfection often play in life. At one point, daughter, Sally mocks her mother, “Where would Mom be without her perfect nose?”
With disordered image, eating and value issues plaguing our culture today, the perfection challenge is still with us. There’s an expectation of happiness, fulfilled dreams and banished sadness/loneliness which frequently comes attached to the perfection promise.
But the rude awakening to life is how imperfect it is.
Still, Our Creator has His perspective on not just perfection, but on His value of us as well:
“Thou shalt be perfect with the LORD thy God.”
Deuteronomy 18:13
“He is the Rock, his work is perfect: for all his ways are judgment: a God of truth and without iniquity, just and right is he.”
Deuteronomy 32:4
“As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all them that trust in him.”
2 Samuel 22:31; Psalms 18:31
“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”
Romans 12:2
“And he said unto me, ‘My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
2 Corinthians 12:9
We are in process; we’re constantly changing…
“But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.”
2 Corinthians 3:18
It’s a message which needs much repeating, especially if we’re recovering from not just eating disorders and low self-esteem, but unrealistic perfectionism to boot.
We’re getting there. You are; I am. And, in the middle of everything which is imperfect, The Most High still sees a perfection to us. We are that valuable. Period.
Copyright © 2024 by Sheryle Cruse
Someone’s Therapist
I came across a humorous post on the internet:
“Someone’s therapist knows all about you.”
It made me laugh…and think. I thought back to many therapy sessions I engaged in, talking about certain individuals and their impact of my life, disorder and state of mind. I talked about my mother, my dad and my childhood bullies. Believe me, I had A LOT to say. So, yes, even though my therapist never met them, she knew all about these people.
But this humorous post touched on something bigger. It wasn’t just about the acquired knowledge a therapist gained when his/her patient ranted about their issues. It had to do with The Most High, the ultimate therapist- and His role in our lives as we struggle, hurt and encounter recovery.
“For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.”
Hebrews 4:12
Cue the heart, therefore:
“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”
Proverbs 4:23
“For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he...”
Proverbs 23:7
But this heart issue is not a passive thing, ignored by our Creator. Quite the contrary, in fact.
“…the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.”
1 Samuel 16:7
“For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.”
Hebrews 4:12
In other words…
“Someone’s therapist knows all about you.”
But, again, there is not a passive nature to these realities, if we choose to participate.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Psalms 139:23-24
“And rend your heart, and not your garments, and turn unto the LORD your God: for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repenteth him of the evil.”
Joel 2:13
And we do have that choice to make.
“Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.”
John 14:1
How does the old saying go? Admitting you need help is the first step.
“But when Jesus heard that, he said unto them, ‘They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick.’”
Matthew 9:12
And, hey, guess who is our help?
“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”
Psalms 46:1
“For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.”
Isaiah 9:6
“Without father, without mother, without descent, having neither beginning of days, nor end of life; but made like unto the Son of God; abideth a priest continually.”
Hebrews 7:3
A/K/A, someone’s therapist…
“Someone’s therapist knows all about you.”
Yep, get ready for some truly intensive therapy should we, again, choose to accept it.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Psalms 139:23-24
The Most High knows about our issues, our pain, our triggers, our histories, our families- everything. He knows exactly why, where and how we are the way we are in life. Nothing gets past Him.
“You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar.”
Psalm 139:2
Yes, someone’s therapist does know all about you: the good, the bad and the ugly.
And, rather than be frightened by that, we can choose to embrace it and find true comfort IN it.
That sounds quite therapeutic to me.
Copyright © 2024 by Sheryle Cruse
“Un- alived”
There seems to be a trend in which social media is squeamish about certain words, upsetting words, like “Suicide” or “killing themselves.”
Substitution for these words and phrases, therefore, results in a commonly used word, “Un-alived.”
Perhaps, because of this squeamishness, the real gravity of real issues and problems can tend to be minimized. We may take more comfort in the softer language.
Instead of “dying,” “passing away” is employed. It can be viewed as a compassionate choice of words.
Compassion is one thing. But if the intention is to deflect from brutal reality, there can be great harm then, in refusing to call a thing a thing.
I’ve been thinking about the harm represented in the word, “un-alived.” It’s a newer buzzword often used in such forums as YouTube. Failure to use this word, replacing “suicide” or “killing themselves” can even result in demonetizing a YouTube channel, or removing the channel completely. Censorship has often been a cry from certain camps concerning this reality. But I think there can be additional toxic impact. Shying away from some words and phrases, pressured into only referring to them as “un-alived,” can be harmful for those of us who are pushed to the brink with abusive individuals.
If “un-alived” refers to being killed, but replaces the word of “suicide,” what does that look like?
It can go deeper. It can be comprehensive harm.
Un- alive the Body.
First, there is the body.
And it’s not just about the immediately killing of that body.
It’s a slow death. Gradual. A cumulative dying experience.
It influences the body of a person.
Stress and trauma responses, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, addictions, and all manner of high-risk behaviors can put the human body at risk.
In these instances, the word, “un-alive” can refer to the harmful decision-making and application of a passive kind of suicide. It’s a response of giving up, more and more. It incorporates a substance or a behavior to make that happen… and to kill the body.
How many times have we heard things like, “The bottle killed him,” or “She had a death wish?”
Or how about, “It’s like they lost the will to live?”
The body is affected by that. Poisoning oneself, overdosing, starving, neglecting, or abusing oneself all take a toll on “un-aliving” the body.
On killing the body.
Refusal to acknowledge the violent reality of the killed body can minimize how toxic and brutal life experiences can create permanent results: death.
“Un-alived” can sound softer and more reassuring than “dead” or killed.”
But that has been what has happened here. Abuse, trauma, loss, and mental illness, untreated and unsupported, lead to the severity of death.
But it’s more than that.
On the way to that sad body-death destination, other things in us also get killed as well.
Un-alive the Soul.
More than just the body can get killed. How about the soul?
A definition of the soul? Mind. Will. Emotions.
Here’s where mental and emotional abuse come into the picture for many of us. There’s nothing quite like mental and emotional abuse to make you want to die.
Also known as “un-aliving” the soul.
When we get drained, our minds, our sense of personal will, and our emotions take a detrimental hit. We feel taxed, overloaded, confused, and distracted.
We feel like we’re dying.
Un- alive a life.
And that state does not lead to a productive road towards our dreams and goals.
Now we’re in a downward spiral. We feel we are stuck and cannot get out.
Things feel like they’re dying. And that soon translates into us feeling like we are dying.
“Un-alived.”
How many sad, cautionary tales, horror stories, and biographies have noted the same powerful lesson?
They didn’t get to live their lives.
And they certainly didn’t get to tell their stories.
Silenced. Invalidated.
Being abused can kill the body, the soul, and the life that is “un-lived.”
Whether by disease or actual suicide, a person can lose all sense of their life, their meaningful life.
It’s usually a process spanning decades. Little by little, just a person giving up and dying.
Using the word, “un-lived” doesn’t change or minimize that.
Radical acceptance can be the first step to changing the unnecessary killing.
It’s not easy. It’s not pleasant.
But calling a killing a killing, and not the softer “un-alived” situation can be a start to better mental health, to better lives.
Let’s stop minimizing. It is death.
Call a thing a thing.
This thing takes a serious toll on a person’s life.
Copyright © 2024 by Sheryle Cruse
