Cancerventures: Tales of a Diagnosed Woman
Cancerventures Endorsements…
“In a world inundated with pink ribbons, idealized survivors, and best-case-scenario stories, ‘Cancerventures’ unapologetically reveals the hard realities and less discussed topics facing women with breast cancer. With wit and refreshing honesty, Sheryle Cruse takes readers along for the rollercoaster ride that is diagnosis and treatment. Her hard-earned wisdom is paired with empowerment for the reader to define her own best path through treatment and into survivorship. ‘Cancerventures’ holds meaningful insights for patients, caregivers, friends, and family—as well as for medical professionals.”
–Jenny Cook, BSW, MA, OTR/L – Program Manager, Firefly Sisterhood: a one-to-one peer mentoring program for women facing breast cancer
“Sheryle Cruse’s ‘Cancerventures: Tales of a Diagnosed Woman’ gives an insightful, quirky and often raw look at her cancer diagnosis, treatment and recovery. This book is entertaining and full of wit yet truthful and direct. Sheryle guides you through the ups and downs of being diagnosed with breast cancer, all while serving as an advocate and companion.”
— Sarah J. Manes, MS, CCLS, Vice President, Angel Cancer Foundation
"I was inspired by how Cruse's 'Cancerventures' boldly unpacks the insane experience that cancer is. And not in the way that so many others have, her take is honest and at times brutal. An honesty that every person facing cancer deserves. I also deeply appreciated the stories about her husband and caregiver. That's a perspective I believe everyone would benefit learning more about (cancer or not) because it's not a matter of if you'll become a caregiver. It's a matter of when."
—Kyle Woody, Co-Founder and Director, Jack’s Caregiver Coalition, a non-profit on a mission to improve the way men think, feel, and act in their role as a cancer caregiver.
Prepared? Hah!
“Grandma tried to prepare us by hiding the toilet paper.”
This is the meme that is circulating on social media. A roll of toilet paper is camouflaged by a crocheted yarn skirt, worn by the doll that is affixed to the top of the TP roll.
I’m struck by how many of us employ this doll cozy approach to our unrealistic expectations in life.
Control: we have very little of it.
Who feels reassured and comforted right now?
It’s a pretty little dolly.
Oh, heavens, no! It’s not toilet paper. Not at all!
It’s a pretty little dolly!
That’s what this photo tries to capture.
I know these things exist in real life. My own grandmother crocheted one of these dolly cozies. It was pink and white, and on the tank of the toilet of my grandparents’ bathroom. It was some kind of homey trend in the 1970s and 1980s.
Anyway, this is often where we first get tripped up: the pretty little dolly approach to life/reality.
It’s the attempt to convince ourselves that we have complete control, and that one thing is really another.
Toilet paper cozy? No, a pretty dolly.
Our perfect handle on control?
Nope, imperfect, unforeseen life, being life.
Prepared…or perfect?
But many of us, instead of believing and applying this life principle, double down on the metaphorical dolly cozy.
What must happen?
It must be pretty! It must be anything but what it is.
Toilet paper cannot be what we’re dealing with.
According to us…
Toilet paper is too crude, too ugly, not glamorous at all.
But a feminine doll, crocheted to the nines, in a nonthreatening, girly-colored yarn dress?
Yes, that’s more pleasing to look at and live with.
We will deal with that.
We can handle…that.
No, it’s not abuse… it’s a pretty dolly cozy.
No, it’s not addiction… it’s a pretty dolly cozy.
No, it’s not bad for us… it’s a pretty dolly cozy.
That kind of thing.
According to life…
But life doesn’t always hand us things that are pretty, wonderful, and easy to handle, now does it?
Here is usually where we encounter the reality of “character development.”
We learn life lessons, not because we want to learn them, but because we must learn them.
Yes, we may want the pretty dolly, but we need the toilet paper.
Derrieres, hygiene, and basic upkeep require that we pay attention to reality.
Prepared or not.
And, yes, some of us can go into a situation action oriented. We can find ourselves believing…
We can affect change, via our behavior.
Maybe… maybe not.
Yeah, I know.
We just went through the premise that life requires us to deal with the unpleasant, the ugly, and the difficult. So why is there, seemingly, this negative spin on acting. Action is a good thing, right?
Well, it’s more complicated than that.
For, as negative as it may be, on the one hand, when we stick our heads in the proverbial TP cozy, not calling a thing a thing, it can be just as problematic going to the other extreme in thinking we can control all outcomes, because of our behaviors.
We can affect some change, not all. And we don’t have a guarantee or a sure thing on what exactly, it changes when it comes to our preferences.
We cannot control everything; we cannot control other people.
We cannot control nature.
According to us…
Many of us encountering these limits, however, still demand our way.
What must happen?
There is a caution for those of us who overestimate our human behaviors to such a degree that we believe it will magically fix everything.
Some things may change for the better, to our liking; some things may not change.
But we may unrealistically demand that, because we are doing the work of whatever action, to make a certain change, it will completely align with that expectation.
To quote an advertising slogan…
“Results may vary.”
And so…
According to life…
“Results may vary.”
It’s a mixed bag, isn’t it?
Some things go according to plan, to our plan. And some things appear to go haywire, contrary to our wishes, actions, and behaviors.
Sometimes, things fall pleasingly, seemingly, perfectly, in line, without our efforts. It looks like it just magically falls into place.
We feel prepared; we are ready. Through our behavior choices, we experience positive results.
However, usually, it is not perfection. We do not get completely, perfectly, what we want. There are some flaws or lack.
It turns out to not quite be what we hoped it would be.
Again…
“Results may vary.”
The pretty dolly toilet paper cozy still didn’t quite deliver on its advertised promise.
There will always be something.
What must happen?
According to us…
Well, the simplistic answer demands that nothing more that is bad, unpleasant, difficult, or painful will ever happen to us again.
(Yeah, let’s realistically wait for that to happen).
But many of us do wait. We hope that the magical thinking we engage in will pan out, somehow.
We can spend our entire lives, seemingly, just trying to dodge and weave unpleasant things, never tackling them, head on. We can continue to get our hearts broken and our hopes dashed, as we insist and wait for life to go our way, however unrealistic that is.
We become myopic, staring at the TP doll cozy, refusing to see anything else going on around us.
But…
According to life…
Our expectations will not be met, according to our criteria.
Life will keep “life-ing.”
Despite our insistence that the dolly TP cozy obliterate the toilet paper and its crude reason for being, derrieres, throughout space and time, will require its usage, no matter how embarrassing or democratic that may be.
The varying degrees of devastation we encounter depends on how we assess the reality versus the fantasy of the cozy versus the toilet paper.
Can we look at what is, as it is, and accept it?
How much will we insist that life must go according to only our ways of doing things?
What is realistically prepared?
The answer to this question may appear to be on a subjective, sliding scale.
But there are some hallmarks that are sound.
Human condition.
First, hate to break it to you, but we are human.
And sometimes, our definitions of “being prepared” are fictional, and even at fairytale-level, of expectation.
“Happily ever after…”
“Someday…”
“Someone…”
Those are just a few examples of expectations we have of a life situation that is still subject to the human condition. And the human condition is fallible.
We are fallible. Every single one of us is fallible.
We are not fictional; we are not fairytale characters.
Not Cinderella. Not a unicorn.
(Even as cute or as beautiful as we are).
We are human beings, having human experiences. And those experiences vary.
Preparation that has a better potential of success must hinge on the reality that we are dealing with the human element.
And humans, including you and me, have limits.
Preparation, in the name of fiction or fairytale, may appear to be the TP dolly cozy. It looks prettier. It looks like it’d help us stay safe and get us what we want.
But often, the reality is that we need to strip the artifice, the yarn dress and the cute doll of the cozy, to revel the stark, and perhaps, ugly, look of the toilet paper. When we decide to “call a thing a thing,” we can better deal with it in a way that gets a better result. We don’t need to waste time and energy removing the yarn cozy, making sure the doll, that’s embedded in it, doesn’t get in the way, or even fall into the toilet.
Now, we have more cleanup.
If the toilet paper is allowed to be toilet paper, all by itself, we stand a better chance of having it be used for its intended purpose.
Next, we need to deal with a couple of “f-words…”
Feeling or fact?
Capable.
Do we feel we are?
When it comes to “being prepared,” feelings and facts are not always “one and the same.”
In fact, some of the time, they are direct opposites. What we feel about something may be exactly the opposite of what a situation is.
Yes, we have gut instinct. And we need to constantly practice heeding that instinct.
And we also need to challenge and discern what the feelings are bringing up for us.
Is this a warning?
Is this a distorted perception?
Is this a trauma response that hearkens back to a separate situation that may not have anything to do with what we’re dealing with now?
Do we feel capable?
What’s influencing that reality, versus that feeling of capability?
Is it an accurate, realistic, and helpful estimation?
Is it a negative association or a belief system, one that discourages our capability?
Sometimes, feelings, yes, can be facts.
And sometimes, feelings are contrary to the facts.
It’s up to us to challenge and discern.
What is our realistic capability?
There will always be something.
So, nice, yes, we need to say it twice.
Ongoing. Repetitive management.
Also known as life.
Also known as toilet paper, cozy or no cozy.
Preparation, then, can realistically require that we will need to deal with something, or someone, more than once.
Most of life is not “one and done.” Most of life is repetitive. Breathing. Eating. Sleeping. Exercising. Working.
You get the idea.
Something that is unpleasant and repetitive is not necessarily indicative of being a failure.
It’s the stuff of life. Repeatedly.
Many of us, however, inaccurately believe that, when it comes to something unpleasant, or even traumatic, we will only encounter it once. It will not reoccur. The thought of that recurrence can be too painful and scary to consider.
The figurative TP doll cozy is easier for us to deal with.
Pretty doll. Pretty yarn dress to disguise the common.
But we still use the common, don’t we? We still need the common…daily.
Preparation? Time and Life…
“I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favor to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all. “
Ecclesiastes 9:11
Toilet paper, it can be argued, can be viewed as democratic, even universal. Most of us use it.
It happens to us all.
Toilet paper. Time. Life.
The attempts at the pretty cozy to make it bearable.
But time and chance happen to us all.
As real as toilet paper.
Copyright © 2024 by Sheryle Cruse
