The Narcissist’s Master Cry

While working on an article concerning male body image, I came across this quote from Harry Houdini…

“…I want to be first, I vehemently want to be first…So, I have struggled and fought. I have done and abstained; I have tortured my body and risked my life only for that- to have one plank on the stage where the imitators cannot come, and one spot where they all fall back and cry, ‘Master!’”

Harry Houdini, in a 1910 interview, “Houdini, Tarzan and the Perfect Man: The White Male and the Challenge of Modernity in America” by John F. Kasson

It certainly spoke to body dysmorphia and performance-based mindsets.

But I also saw, within the quote, a strong connection to the “why” of Narcissistic behavior.

Yes, as I looked a little closer at the quote, breaking it down, I could see the blueprint, perhaps of Narcissistic behavioral choices.

They Want To Be First (Because They’ve Often Felt Last):

Look at the beginning of Houdini’s statement…

“…I want to be first, I vehemently want to be first…”

There’s nothing wishy-washy here. “First” is the objective, vehemently, in fact. Narcissists want that first place of distinction, power, and perks, because, often through some personal wounding, (like childhood abuse or trauma), they have often felt dead last when it comes to their importance.

It’s cliché, but still all too true. The driving “I’ll show them!” need compels them to enact vengeance and wield power, in, possibly, an attempt to erase all memory and experience of being a victim, themselves. They determine being first will heal their lives.

They are Fighters:

“…So, I have struggled and fought. I have done and abstained…”

Narcissists are fighters, feeling they have much to prove. There is no passivity to them. Sometimes, it looks like they may be all about a peaceful way of being. But look a little closer. You may find passive-aggressive instead of being authentically peaceful.

Regardless, they will fight and be Machiavellian in their approach to obtain what they desire. They are terrified and disdainful of the quiet contemplation and stillness that would better serve them, giving them insight. They’re not interested in insight. Narcissists are action oriented. They want their results. Period.

And unfortunately, that action may mean harm for the rest of us.

They Sacrifice To Justify Their Ends:

“…I have tortured my body and risked my life…”

Again, we’re back to their Machiavellian natures. The ends justify the means. Narcissists risk themselves and others. If there is something they want, anything and anyone are expendable.

Their need, therefore, equals their scheme.

Narcissists are risktakers. And they often do not discriminate between people, principles, and behaviors. They will do whatever they feel they need to do. Morality, ethics, and compassion pale in the face of “results.” Therefore, if a person, a marriage, a business, a relationship, mental, emotional, and physical well-being need to be sacrificed, then, so be it. And they will even risk themselves, knowingly or unknowingly, via careless, reckless, and dangerous behaviors.

They have a rigid definition of what reward or success is… and they will not change their minds.

“…only for that…”

It’s about the bigger, better deal.

Narcissists are often blinded by their passions and their goals. Nothing must get in the way of achieving them. “aspirational” is an understatement of a word to describe their mentality. Indeed, achievements, power, image, and material possessions are all more important than people, morality, and integrity.

Most Narcissists are horrible at relationships. Yes, they can charm people. Yes, they can manipulate. But intimacy, and honestly connecting, one-on-one, is not sustainable, probably, largely, because it is not the priority. Narcissists often see intimacy and vulnerability as weakness. Likewise, many of them view human relationships and things, as tools, as devices to get what they truly desire in life: the power, the wealth, the fame, the status.

Therefore, they assert…

“…only for that…”

They believe in the power of the payoff: “Master!”

“…to have one plank on the stage where the imitators cannot come, and one spot where they all fall back and cry, ‘Master!’”

Payoff is the end-all, be-all point to anything and anyone many Narcissists pursue.

And synonymous with that payoff, much of the time, is mastery, dominion, authority, power, and control. And, of course, obtaining these things can often position one in a place of admiration, adulation, and intimidating awe. In one way or another, a convincing argument is asserted by the Narcissist, in which “…they all fall back and cry, ‘Master!’”

Here is where a harmful lie is endorsed, both by the Narcissist and by the person (s) who perpetrate it: a certain person is better or worse than another. Hierarchy. We now have the tiered system of human value and worth at work, all based on whether or not any individual is, indeed, “Master.”

Think we’re too intelligent to fall for such a lie?

I give you one word: celebrity. Movies, television and reality shows, magazines, and all sorts of media and attention-seeking outlets are devoted to worshipping these individuals as “better,” as “Master.”

But it spreads beyond the world of fame. This principle can play out in our ordinary, mundane lives. It plays out because we, as human beings, have the capacity to believe anything about another person. We can believe the truth; we can believe the lie. We can believe there are people out there who are more important than we are. We can believe we don’t measure up, in any given capacity. We can believe Mastery is attainable and even excuses forms of exploitation and abuse.

Narcissists often take these factors and run with them. They are intoxicated by the lure of power, as well as the ease it so often exists as many of us are already too willing to do most of their work for them. If we readily subscribe value estimates of less than/more than, if we give credence to human hierarchy, then there’s little left for the Narcissist to do but claim themselves as “Master.” No one challenges it; no one dares challenge it.

It’s simply understood as fact, law, decree, truth.

Is It Worth It?

Houdini’s last words before dying were reportedly, "I'm tired of fighting... I do not want to fight anymore..."

Let that sink in for a moment.

All of us have the capability to exhibit Narcissistic tendencies. Some of us have full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder, while others fall on varying degrees of the spectrum. Each of us can be self-indulgent, self-obsessed, and self-absorbed.

We like being first in line. Some of us like to fight. Some of us can be myopic about sacrifice for the sake of a greater goal. And yes, unflattering as it is, we can also have the tendency to forget another person’s humanity and only see them as objects or a means to an end. We want to be in control and feel our own sense of mastery and power in life.

Before we point a finger at our designated villain Narcissist, it would probably be helpful to do a little self-reflection of our own. When was the last time we let out our own Narcissistic cry, in thought, word, or deed?

And then, how do we then respond to that answer?

Copyright © 2023 by Sheryle Cruse