Notice

We see. We look.

Something is visible.

This sentiment showed up on the internet…

“I don’t react, but trust me, I notice everything.”

That statement isn’t easy. It’s not simple.

Yet, how necessary it is to live this out, especially as we deal with toxic people and situations.

Therefore, not far from this internet sentiment is also another often-quoted concept…

“Observe. Don’t absorb.”

Again, not easy. Not simple. Worth pursuing as a life approach. And, as human beings, we struggle to master it.

Notice.

What do we notice? Do we believe what we see? Or do we try to talk ourselves out of it?

Do we try to make it be something it’s not?

Seeing is believing, right?

The word, “Notice” is akin to the phrase, “Observe. Don’t absorb.”

It has a calm tone to it. It’s objective. There doesn’t appear to be anything panicky about it.

Likewise, the phrase, “Observe. Don’t absorb” also has a calm objectivity to it.

It’s about information gathering. It is recording the facts. It is noting what is being displayed in the form of behaviors, words, what is absent, and what is filled with discrepancies.

Reacting destabilizes.

Someone yells at us. Someone calls us an unflattering name. Someone gives a the “silent treatment.” Someone laughs at us. Someone betrays us.

We would probably struggle to be neutral to these scenarios. These situations are highly stressful. At the very least, they’re inconvenient or annoying. It is challenging to just take it all in, without getting our emotions involved. We are primed for fight or flight, especially when a situation escalates.

To remain calm? Easier said than done.

Most of the time, we probably take it to heart.

When we go from objectively observing to negatively personalizing something, we are more vulnerable to internalizing a damaged sense of self. We can also take responsibility for things that are not our fault because of our faulty personalization.

Observe. Don’t absorb.

Emotions are not heightened. “Just the facts, Ma’am.”

It can become tricky, however, as we endeavor to not take things personally. This is the challenge of observing, but not letting it get in.

Yes, we see it. Yes, we hear it. Yes, we know the egregious behavior is going on.

We are not in denial of its existence. We aren’t sweeping its reality under the rug. We aren’t covering up its behavior. We aren’t asserting it’s even right for happening.

We aren’t making excuses. We aren’t lying. We are telling the truth… to ourselves.

What is happening, via someone else, is OUTSIDE of us.

There is differentiation going on: us versus them.

Separate. There is separation.

Their conduct is not our conduct. We are not created to suffer the consequences, and take the fall, for their behavior and for their choices.

Notice what you’re noticing.

Many of us are not used to simply noting what’s going on, without getting emotionally involved and upset by it.

But to be healthier, that is a must.

We must resist the faulty, incorrect reaction of reverting to highly charged negative emotions. And then, concluding that we deserve dysfunctional treatment.

Why are we emotional?

What is the thought behind any intense, harsh, draining, self-blaming, and abusive agendas? Whose thought is that, originally?

Who is telling us that thought?

What do we notice?

Ulterior motives? Addictions? The desire to abuse, mistreat, and neglect?

Projection?

Refusal on someone else’s part to deal with their issues?

What payoff do we notice? What reason? What excuse?

Notice. Observe. Know what is driving behavior.

You and I can do that research, from a more clinical, more objective place.

Do we take that opportunity?

It’s beyond what we think we see and believe. We must notice.

It is worth seeing the situation for what it is.

Copyright © 2024 by Sheryle Cruse