Most Satisfying Adult Sentence

The most satisfying adult sentence?

“Yeah, I’m not going to do that.”

That sentiment has recently popped up online.

It packs a wallop of empowering truth.

Attention: all people pleasers!

Some deeper reasons why it empowers us?

We get to realize something’s important to us.

Many of us have learned a toxic lie: nothing is, or should be, important to us.

It often shows up in the messaging of whatever IS important to us, it is “wrong,” and we need to be ashamed of it.

It often shows up as we feel the pressure to be and to stay numb. Don’t feel… and certainly, don’t cry or be angry. Forbidden.

We may be surrounded by people, even loved ones, who are emotionally catatonic. They are zombies, just going through the motions. There is no joy, no passion, no wide spectrum of responses.

They are flat and dull, and, seemingly, unaffected by anything.

But are they?

For as much as we have been exposed to these individuals, and to the distorted, harmful lie that there is no emotion to be found occurring in them, they are emotionally affected, even if those emotions are underground, deeply buried, and denied.

Something, for good or evil, is important enough to them, to affect them. These effects can, unfortunately, come out as addictions, compulsions, disorders, and poor choices.

The things all these possibilities have in common, though?

A strong drive creates them and spurs them on.

But, if a person, even one so strongly and negatively affected by things like addiction, cannot even see that they are not immune from having something resonate as important to them, there is a toxic disconnect there.

They have not accepted the reality that something matters.

And they do not know, nor accept, that they can give themselves permission to allow that thing to have that level of importance in their lives.

That’s a sad reality; some people simply do not know something can genuinely be important to them.

And they don’t need to be afraid or ashamed of that.

“Yeah, I’m not going to do that.”

Some of us have received toxic messages that nothing should be important… ever.

Some of us have been told that life is pointless and hopeless. Therefore, “don’t get your hopes up.”

That’s where “Yeah, I’m not going to do that” can be our game changing tool.

What if we decided to allow ourselves the things that are important to us? What would that look like?

Our first challenge is to give ourselves permission to embrace that things can and will be important to us.

We get to learn what’s important to us.

After we secure this permission for ourselves about the important things, next comes the discovery process.

We get to learn.

And, for some of us, that’s a revolutionary concept.

Again, it can be a case of receiving wrong information. Some of us believe that new information is “bad,” even “sinful.” We feel guilty for learning any incoming information that doesn’t align with how we were raised or who we have spent most of our time with.

But what if that familiar information is wrong, abusive, and inaccurate?

And what if the new information we access and learn about is beneficial, joyful, and fulfilling to us?

What if the sheer fact that we are learning is a good thing, not a horrible thing?

So, continuing with the harmful, the ineffective, and the ill-fitting?

“Yeah, I’m not going to do that.”

We can choose to learn more, not less. We can choose to not be rigid. We can choose to do something differently if something in our life is not working.

We do get to learn possibilities of other choices.

And then…

We get to choose what’s important to us.

After learning about possibilities, then comes the choosing.

Not everything is for everyone.

Preference.

It is a powerful word and concept.

Have we been forbidden from our preferences?

Have we been forbidden from the knowledge that we can choose to pursue our preferences?

If, we answer “yes” to that, we have an opportunity to say something else now…

“Yeah, I’m not going to do that.”

We tap into what we like, what we want, what makes us happy. That can be an alien concept to many of us. We, who are accustomed to placing everyone and everything else ahead of us, are not familiar with putting ourselves first, let alone, inhabiting any space, whatsoever, on “the list.”

But empowerment comes when we practice doing just that. It can be in big ways, but it can also be in the smaller decisions as well.

Like…

What is my favorite food? How do I want to dress?

Saying “yes” to these things gradually builds our healthier sense of self. So, besides knowledge and application of that knowledge, we now move into a space where we feel better about ourselves…

We get to feel good about what’s important to us.

Whether it’s an ignorance or a negativity we believe about ourselves as we are faced with our likes and dislikes, we still need to adjust to a new way of being in life.

It’s okay to not be ashamed, nor afraid, of our preferences.

Too, often, we are told, in unnecessary and harmful ways, that we are bad or wrong for liking and choosing what we like.

Shames and fear are our default settings.

But, if we start saying, first, to ourselves, then, to others…

“Yeah, I’m not going to do that…”

…what will happen? What freedom? What happiness?

And yes, what pushback?

But we need to learn, apply, and teach this statement to ourselves, as well as to “everyone else.”

And not everyone will enjoy hearing that.

But that’s okay. We can still like what we like.

We don’t need to prove anything.

Satisfaction: What can we choose?

It can feel just as, if not more, satisfying to say “no” to something or someone.

Why is that?

There are multiple personal reasons.

One of them involves the reality that, when we say “no” to someone or something, we say “yes” to something else.

And what if that “something else” we say “yes” to is ourselves?

What does that look and feel like?

Many of us do not know, because we have little-to-no experience making that choice for ourselves… for whatever reason.

“Yeah, I’m not going to do that.”

This statement, therefore, can become a declaration of independence.

When our preferences, choices, likes, and pursuits are not predicated on someone else’s pressure, influence, expectation, pleasure, or needs, we can become more connected to ourselves.

And that, in the “say yes to ourselves” realm, can promote personal happiness, growth, success, and self-esteem.

We learn, and develop, and know, more fully, who we are.

“Yeah, I’m not going to do that.”

Let’s see what happens when we embrace that statement in our lives.

Copyright © 2024 by Sheryle Cruse